Monday, August 3, 2009

Dear twin sister

Dear Twin sister,
By the time you read this, I would be dead and gone. I know you will shed tears of agony over my wasted life. I know you will ask why I did it. why why why?
Why? If you look at me, then at yourself, you will find the why. Look beyond ceaseless times and seasons, you will see the why wrapped in fated doom.
Together, we grew in one womb. We swam in the same blood. We were destined to be one, a mystery of creation. And when the time came for us to finally see the world, you went first and I followed. We were like a song that would never go wrong. But remember, I go awfully wrong.
At the mother breast, it was always a healthy competition. You drank, I drank too. I cried, you cried too. We were dressed like one. We were fed like one. Oh yes, we were loved as one.
And then, you began to toddle round the house and I did not. With time, you were walking and running and yet I could not. Four years and the truth dawned. I was born a cripple!
We are one, yet we are different. When we were kids, you had so many friends and I had none. You were loved by many but I was pitied by many. During the school inter house sports, you were always winning the race. I could have represented the school in debate contests because I could speak better than everyone else. I was denied of those opportunities because I have no legs. You took all the glories and I was left with nothing.
Everyone keeps saying that I am the prettiest, but the boys think otherwise. All the love letters were heaped on you. Remember what happened when we were still teenagers? Mum and dad traveled and we were left alone in the house. I crawled out of our room into the sitting room and what did I see? You and Dave making love. At sixteen, you already knew love. That night, I longed for a man’s touch but none came. Who would make love to a cripple, anyway.
I am angry! But not at you. Not even at God. I am angry at myself. Maybe I choose to be like this. Maybe I brought this on myself. Maybe I go wrong somehow somewhere. I don’t know, really I don’t.
But I know. I know I am going to die and now. I am going away. Away from this unwholesome wish for you to be me and me to be you. Away to a place where I would finally find my wings.
Adieu my sister. Adieu…